Resting Zombie Face

How do you present yourself when you think that nobody is watching you?

I think we all have a default facial expression or body posture that reflects our inner state -- whether holding a lot of tension, anger, confusion, depression, joy, or basic contentment. People often find ways to hide their underlying pain or confusion, because they feel shame or feel like they won't be accepted if others see them clearly. In this age of pervasive, performative social media, more people are developing complex ways of hiding themselves.

Try watching people while they're driving a car, alone. In my experience, most people look miserable. Although I'm sure that the fact that they're driving contributes to a miserable inner state, I think it also indicates something of their default feeling when they believe that nobody can see them. Years ago, when I would spend hours riding the trains in Boston, photographing people or just watching, I would notice a similar sort of default sadness in the anonymous crowds of passengers. Ocassionally, I'd see someone who looked genuinely happy. But recently, the discomfort and anxiety seems more pervasive and acute.

It struck me when I saw somebody I knew intimately drive by, not noticing me. I could clearly see an uncharacteristically morose face behind the wheel. It was an expression I hadn't seen from that person, and it felt like it revealed something deeper about what was going on with them, beneath the performative mask that people often develop.

I wouldn't recommend that people become more self-conscious about their appearance, putting on a happy face at all times. But when I'm alone (which is most of the time) I often check myself if I notice tension in the face or body. I'll wiggle my ears, loosen up and shake it off. If I'm not basically content with the current moment, then I at least want to be aware of what's going on internally. Otherwise, unexamined anxiety or anger or disappointment accumulates, making it ever more difficult to unwind.

That's why I think a lot of people seem to have a permanent scowl. Sometimes the scowl is written in the face; sometimes the face seems clear, but the voice scowls.

I think about this zen aphorism a lot:

Receive a guest with the same attitude you have when alone. When alone, maintain the same attitude you have in receiving guests.