Runcible Blog

Spam helps me lose weight

This latest installment of my favorite spam is just what I've been waiting for -- an all-pizza, no-exercise diet! And if I can lose 22 pounds like the email says, why, that would bring me down to 113lbs! Then I can pursue my modeling career! Yay! Thank you, bulk email!!

To: Me
Cc: (other people with similar email addresses)
Subject: Eat pizza, watch TV ... and lose 22 pounds
Date: Thu, 23 Jan 2003 12:26:55 +1100

Hi !
If you're like me, you've tried EVERYTHING to lose weight. I know how you feel - the special diets, miracle pills, and fancy exercise equipment never helped me lose a pound either. It seemed like the harder I tried, the bigger I got, until I heard about a product called Power Diet Plus.

You're probably thinking to yourself, "Oh geez, not another miracle diet pill!" Like you, I was skeptical at first, but my sister swore it helped her lose 23 pounds in just two weeks, so I told her I'd give it a shot. I mean, there was nothing to lose except a lot of weight! Let me tell you, it was the best decision I've ever made. Period. Six months later, as I'm writing this message to you, I've gone from 355 pounds to 210 pounds, and I haven't changed my exercise routine or diet at all. Yes, I still eat pizza, and lots of it!

You're probably asking yourself, "Ok, so how does this stuff actually work?"

Power Diet Plus contains Lipotropic fat burners which are scientifically proven to increase metabolism and cause rapid weight loss. No "hocus pocus" in these pills - just RESULTS, RESULTS, RESULTS!!

Here is the bottom line ...

I can help you lose 10-15 pounds per week naturally, without exercising and without having to eat rice cakes all day. Just try it for one month - there's nothing to lose, and everything to gain. You will lose weight fast - GUARANTEED. That is my pledge to you.

Wait a minute. If there's nothing to lose, how can I lose weight? Is that saying that I'm gaining a loss in weight? Zha??
And it's pretty cool that I can lose 10-15 pounds per week. If I continue with the program, in just over two months, I'll vanish into nothingness. Send me them pills!