I made it to Lowe's just in time for the start of Hellboy, but the theater was nearly packed. There are always a few people who come in late, looking silly as they try to find a seat in the dark.
As luck would have it, at the top of the theater in the center of the room sat a solitary seat apart from the other seats in its row, tailor made for lonely guys. Needless to say, I was more than happy to see that Lowe's no longer discriminates against dateless moviegoers. If only more businesses were as tolerant. For instance, restaurants should have more tables with just one chair, car manufacturers should get rid of the passenger and rear seats (who needs em?), and any item that's sold in a "his and hers" set should have an "only his" option. Also, sidewalks should be made narrower for those of us who aren't strolling side-by-side with a significant other, and beaches should be shorter to accommodate people who don't enjoy long walks by themselves.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal, even ones without dates." I have a dream that one day at the Pizza Hut in Methuen, creepy, single, white males and smiling couples will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood. I have a dream that loners like me will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the cars they drive but by the content of their blogs. I have a dream today.
Oh, and Hellboy was pretty good.