too much energy
I have this pent up energy right now that is going to waste. I saw Team America: World Police earlier (highly recommended!), which revved me up with its catchy theme song: "America! Fuck Yeah! Coming again to save the mother-fucking day, Yeah!" Then I went back to work to tell my review to Angie. But in my haste I said "cya later" and left. As I was driving away I thought, "wait a minute...I should've asked if she was doing anything after work." Now I feel very stupid because there are all sorts of things that I want to talk with her about, and I don't often get a chance to converse with such a like-minded person. What was I thinking? She must think I'm a strange fellow to go back to work for about 2 minutes and leave just like that. It doesn't make sense, Dave!
Now what is there to do? I'll probably bang on the piano or watch TV, still feeling like a shmuck (for today, at least). Sometimes the words escape me. "You make me cowardly curious, awkwardly awed. I want to learn more about you." But I'm afraid of saying the "wrong" thing. I'm afraid that a random comment can scare people away (though I never know what that comment could possibly be), but then I think that only the most superficial people would run away based on one stray comment. It's confusing. But I have energy, inspiration [not]. "What are your hopes, dreams, aspirations? What do you want to do with your life? Really? tell me more..." and so on and so on. Although the energy's there, I've built a brick wall in front of myself.
I wasn't always like this. In my brief stint at college, I could talk to strangers and floor-mates (mostly girls, *gasp*) out of "innocence" and genuine curiosity. Now, it's somehow different. I'm still curious, but I know a bit more of "how the other half lives" (the other chromosome, that is). It makes me doubt myself because I think that others will take my curiosity the wrong way. It's especially frustrating with non-single types, who always seem suspicious of me. At least, that's what I sense. I don't bite!
Ugh, well anyway, maybe I'll rediscover how to spit the words out at the appropriate time without sounding like a bumbling buffoon. It's like doing surgery in a vacuum blindfolded. right.
On another note, I think this is the next tattoo. It's only a question of where to put it: