Runcible Blog

you have a voice for print

To all aspiring documentarians out there: If you're going to make a documentary, find someone with a decent voice to narrate it.

Too many times I've seen otherwise compelling documentaries make me want to tear my ears off because the narrator (usually the filmmaker in independent documentaries) sounds like a little kid. For added effect, maybe he or she will have a lisp. Such irritating voices can really drag down a good documentary. Imagine Steve Urkel narrating a film on the final days of a cancer patient, or Carrot Top speaking about the plight of the Native Americans. Well, some documentaries aren't much better. At least if I knew Urkel narrated, I could appreciate the quirky — if inappropriate — choice.

I mean, I'd like to make a documentary about something, but I think if my voice narrated such a thing, it would lead to the largest mass-suicide in theaters and homes across the country after viewers endured 2 hours of my nasal whining. (Seriously. I'm not exaggerating at all.) Instead, I'd go for someone with a comforting voice, like Isaac Hayes or Gilbert Gottfried.