wonderful los lobos tune
I just heard this one today. You'd have to hear it to appreciate it, though:
Take My Hand
Girl you know, you can't go on this way
Night after night, day after every day
Whisper to me, what's in your aching heart
This love you need is not very far
Baby dry the tears from your eyes
And take my hand as we walk into the night
A soul on fire and a touch that's cold
Seems to me that's all you've ever known
Desperately looking for something that's real
Hard to find is the love that can heal
Baby dry the tears from your eyes
And take my hand as we walk into the night
Tender are the dreams
That we try so hard to hide, so deep inside
I don't know why you go on this way
Night after night, and about every day
Tell to me, the secrets only a girl could know
How much to feel and just how much to show
Baby dry the tears from your eyes
And take my hand as we walk into the night
strike that
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It turns out I can't sit through a movie at the moment — particularly one about suicide (even if it does feature Samantha Morton naked).
I met a girl today who asked, "wouldn't it be weird if you were living just one block away from your true life?" And then she basically disappeared. Yes, that would be weird.
lousy way to start the day
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What I woke up to today:
From: lee lee
To: Dave
Date: August 13, 2006 1:48:50 AM EDT
Subject: what to say...?
i'm not sure how to begin this...other than saying i am a louse for typing this all out. my only excuse is that anytime i try to talk to you in person, it either comes out too passionate (thus, you think i'm "crazy"), or not passionate enough (thus, nothing changes).
the first thing i want to be clear about is that i believe i love you and i believe you love me. i don't think anything either of us say or do is going to change that. for better or worse, we are in love and because of that our vision is clouded.
having said that, i can go on to say: i sincerely think neither of us is happy, fulfilled, growing (enough) or living our true life. we constantly fight, whether in silence or with words. and i am constantly angry--at you, at the situation, at myself for getting into the situation and letting the situation control my life... i believe that people come into my life for a reason, but i don't think that whatever good you have brought me means i have to stay with you forever.
i know you don't think i've "tried" to make this work. but, goddamnit, dave--i have. i swear to god. i really, really, really wanted for this to work, for so many reasons. but it isn't.
all i ever promised you is honesty. i almost wish i hadn't promised that. it's painful to have to keep pointing out to someone else that they are unhappy. but i can't stick to my promise and not say to you: Go Live with someone else who is right for you. come one, there is suffering that brings knowledge. and then there is just stubborness that leads to nothing but pain.
i think you are a potentially-good person who has a lot to give to the right person. but i am not in that place of waiting around for your to become who you are. i am ready to settle down (albeit in my own not-so-stable way) and have a baby and maybe even move out of the city to the "burbs" someday. being with you has made me realize how much i just want to find someone to be with that really truly loves me for who i am. i'm not looking for perfection, just something that works.
we have had some good times. if you counted the actual hours, maybe we've had mostly good times... it can get worse from here, or it can get better. the proverbial ball is in your court. if you feel like handling this like an adult, i am begging you one last time to start looking for another place to live. i implore you to at least join me in making this relationship a mostly-positive experience for both of us and end it maturely and graciously. i have already left one man and one house--lord knows i will do it again to save myself from destruction--but i know if you sit down and make a list of the reasons why, you will agree that you should be the one to go elsewhere.
most likely, you will take this email as the final sign that i am utterly confused. i'm actually not, dave. i want numerous things, and you are sometimes one of them. however, i'm searching for growth and maturity and i believe i will flourish in a supportive, enabling environment.
I don't feel ok right now, and I don't care who knows about my business. I never once left this woman and didn't intend on leaving her. Now, I'm supposed to be the one to leave because I have no other choice. My partner, my love, lee lee, doesn't want to live with me anymore, and that's that.
It's kind of starting to hit me.
But I've got rented movies to watch in this apartment, alone.
New Spam
Hot off the presses:
From: jvwmjteewxuh@affv.nu
Subject: spending time with you
Date: August 3, 2006 9:39:27 PM EDT
Reply-To: jvwmjteewxuh@affv.nu
Dear friend,
I found your picture on one of the websites, can we talk to
each other? I maight be coming to your place in few weeks.
This would beb a great opportunity to meet each other.
Btw, I am a woman. I am 25. Drop me a aline at pd@summerdayzz.com
Siting
This is the second day in a row that I walked past girl-with-no-eyebrows. I should take a picture next time.