Let's say girls are like canned vegetables. While most guys go for the typically unblemished cans, I prefer slightly dented ones. A few dings adds a unique character that differentiates from the mass of identical cans. Plus you might get a discount. The only problem, however, is that there seems to be a very fine line between a uniquely dimpled container and a botulin-riddled death trap.
I got my first speeding ticket for $100: 53 in a 30mph zone on Sutton St. in North Andover at 1:30AM. I mean, I wouldn't have driven that fast if there were people around. sheesh! I told the officer, "I can't drive......55!" then wailed on my air guitar before peeling out while pretending to drive an Iroc-Z Camaro. Of course, he couldn't chase me because he felt so inadequate after I blew his mind with an imaginary power chord. Victory was mine!
People always say, "It never hurts to ask." They're wrong. Sometimes it does.
My mother just said that she's "leaning toward Bush". Unbelievable! She said she doesn't want to vote for Kerry because she doesn't want to be poor. News flash, Ma: You're already poor!
I shouldn't be surprised that someone who pays no attention to the issues would want to vote for Bush. The scary thing is that it proves that the right-wing marketeers are doing a good job. The issues don't matter; the only thing that matters is that "everybody" says if you vote for Kerry, he'll raise your taxes. TV commercials can't be wrong, can they? Maybe I can convince her to vote on November 3rd.
All I can say is it's a good thing we don't live in New Hampshire, where her vote could make a difference.
I always wonder what to do when I'm walking down a hallway and see someone walking towards me. At what point are you supposed to acknowledge the other person? If I see someone at the other end of the hall, do I wave and yell, "Hello!", or do I pretend that I haven't seen him until we pass each other and nod? It seems a little silly to ignore someone until they're within 3 feet, but then again, if you walk with your head down, it would make sense that you wouldn't see anyone. On the other hand, walking with your head down makes it seem like you're sad or trying to shut out the world.
Maybe what I should do is sprint down the hall as soon as I see anyone -- get right to that "hello" as quickly as possible. Or maybe I should immediately turn around rather than deal with a potential protocol violation.
Speaking of manners, what do you do if you're at a urinal, and someone steps up to the one next to you? Assuming you know the person, do you say hello, strike up a conversation, look at him, compliment his gluteus maximus? Usually I jump back 3 feet in horror and end up peeing all over the wall and myself. There must be a more appropriate approach.