Runcible Blog

I was in the process of writing a heartfelt blog post about how I lost one of my CompactFlash cards, and I've been retracing my steps and looking everywhere for the past 30 minutes, at least. I was flabbergasted at the thought of losing one of my two cards; incredulous that it could even be possible.

But then I looked over and picked up the mouse. There it was. Hiding under a mouse. How cute...

It reminds me of an incident years ago when I lost a little jewelry box that I used to play with (don't ask: I was an imaginative kid and made imaginary stuff out of such things). I couldn't find it for the longest time, but finally one day while looking for something else, I found the box in a very obvious place in my room. Out of anger at myself for being so stupid that I couldn't find it sooner, I threw the box, and it broke in half against the wall. What a strange concoction of emotions.

It's a good thing I found the card because otherwise I wouldn't have this picture of Pavel doing a Russian dance:

I'll put the rest on Tabblo soon...

I just bought 3 books to satisfy 3 different curiosities:

• Cat's Cradle — based on a recommendation.
• Zen Poetry — because I like poetry that is short and to the point.
• Thin — because I had no idea.

I've just been looking over some old entries, and I just noticed how angsty I can be. Well, I didn't just notice that.

I don't think I could've imagined keeping a blog for 4 years, but there it is. Although there are probably some entries I wouldn't want to find in the wayback machine, it's not as if I'm going to run for president some day...

The point of tonight's emo-post is to recognize that I think my eagerness for following new possibilities may have completely curbed a new friendship (or more) before it had a chance to develop. Despite my best effort to squelch my enthusiasm, the good advice of a fortune I got the other day: "patience is the key to joy", and a reminder to myself to avoid messing things up, I've smothered my new friend in less than a week. It's a shame, and I'm either a fool or a hopeless romantic.

I also ask myself why I'm attracted to people who can't be or aren't emotionally available. Why does my interest build as her interest wanes? It's crazy.

I don't know what will happen, or if my smothering hasn't been as fatal as I imagine. But I'm in a spot where I'm not sure what exactly went wrong, or how to avoid it in the future. I need to deconstruct.

This game is too difficult for me. Never mind all those role-playing or first-person shoot-em-up games...

Man, I could really use a jelly donut right now. It's been a while...