Runcible Blog

crazy girl gets no sympathy from me.

From: "G-heh Kim" Date: Tue Dec 3, 2002 00:41:11 US/Eastern To: Subject: sorry to bother you... I thought i'd let you know how miserable my life is. because you hate me so much and all. i spend the entire thanksgiving break being lectured and told -what a terrible dresser i am - that i need to grow up - that i need to Act and look more like an adult - that i need to be pro-active - that i don't know where i'm going because i'm immature and have no concept of the future - that i need to learn how to take care of myself - that my parents aren't going to be around forever telling me what to do...basically that i need to grow up. so the whole family joined in in critisizing me and making me feel terrible. you arent the only one who thinks badly of me. We spent the whole entire thanksgiving arguing. and shouting and arguing. And most of the arguing was about me and how incompetent i am. Now i'm even more stressed because of all of that...and schoolwork. how was your thanksgiving? I hope it was better than mine. -i guess i'm writing to you, because i dont' know. i know you hate me nad never want to talk to me, but i don't know.
-------------------------------------------------- Shortly after:
From: "G-heh Kim" Date: Tue Dec 3, 2002 02:00:11 US/Eastern To: Subject: IGNORE THAT LAST EMAIL! ignore that last email. just delete it. I shouldn't be complaining to you. i'm sorry i bothered you. i'm just feeling pathetic and sorry for myself again. IGNORE THAT last email. i'm just a bitch and feeling whiney.

it's time to step on toes

In between coughs and sneezes, I was thinking about some things -- some important observations. I think it's important for all of us to be honest with ourselves and others. We often shy away from facing ourselves at all costs. We distract ourselves with hobbies, activities, jobs, friends, etc. But take away all of those things, and you'll have an opportunity to be honest with yourself and really look at who you are. What I've just been thinking about is fear. If the rest of this offends you, tough cookies. Argue with me if you want; it's better than ignoring the problem.
Our Fears My mother has a fear of constancy. My father has a fear of uncertainty. My brother has a fear of commitment. My sister has a fear of solitude. I have a fear of rejection.
Of course, that's only a small part of the story. But it's a start. I can think about how our fears have a strangle hold on our lives sometimes and determine our occasionally-irrational behavior.... Have you, the reader, taken time lately to confront your fears? Now, it's bed time.

panic on ames street

I intended on taking a few night-time pictures of the reservoir area, when 3 cop cars came zooming down haverhill street and on to ames street. Naturally, I stopped to see what was going down and maybe take a few pictures if there was anything exciting. Apparently, a lady tripped her panic alarm in her house, but when the cops arrived, she just wouldn't answer the door. They were knocking and knocking, went around the back, flashed lights and tried everything, but she wouldn't come out. We could plainly see her inside with her baby in her arms, and the cops motioned to her in the window to open the door, but she just went upstairs, closed the window shade, and stayed there....After about 20 minutes or longer, the police left. I can't imagine why she wouldn't open the door if only to tell them that everything was alright. Maybe she was having a panic attack and was too afraid to open the door. Or maybe there was something else going on in there. who knows? One can only imagine, or read about it in the paper tomorrow. It was so cold that my fingers weren't moving, so I didn't get the reservoir pictures like I planned. try again tomorrow. or today. whichever it is.

words and pictures

I was so impressed with "Shooting Under Fire: The World of the War Photographer" by Peter Howe that I bought the book today. I very rarely ask my father for money or help or anything, but I asked if he could buy this book for me (afterall, he jumps at the chance to buy my sister all sorts of things whether she asks or not). He asked "what can you learn from that book that you don't already know? that war is ugly?" So he wouldn't buy it. I didn't expect him to be willing since he usually makes me feel guilty about paying for anything for me, and I would've (and did) buy the book either way since I think it is worth the $35. But still, I was annoyed by his reaction to the book, his continual reluctance to help me, and the double standard he has when dealing with my sister. I don't know what his hang up is. It's probably because he wants me to do something with my life not related to photography. Amie told me to "lighten up" sometimes. Well, it's not easy to lighten up when I'm surrounded by uptight people who either 1)don't care about any of the things I'm doing or intend to do or 2)don't care about what I'm doing currently and want me to do something more "acceptable" or lucrative or 3)are just plain assholes. And that's just my family. Ah, the sweet smell of cigarette smoke is wafting upstairs and into my room. Just what I could use. It's always great to be home.........

civil rights, photography, HSA, etc.

This article from The Guardian talks about a court battle in New York that aims to lift the ban on police surveillance of political "dissidents" and political demonstrations:
Mr Kelly's proposals, which a judge is expected to consider next month, would mean that any NYPD unit could investigate any political group with out suspecting a crime, could videotape or photograph demonstrations, and would no longer need to convince a three-person panel - two police officials and a civilian - of the legitimacy of an infiltration.
This week's issue of the Boston Phoenix (it's not that evil, Judy) has a few pages devoted to letters from concerned citizens about the impending war with Iraq. There's also an interview with a veteran war photographer. Ever since I borrowed "Is Anyone Taking Any Notice?" by Don McCullin (amazingly, this book now costs upwards of $500 used!) from the library, war photography has been a subject close to my heart. Maybe one day I'll be a war photographer and die in battle like Robert Capa, who stepped on a landmine in Vietnam, I think. On another note, now that the Homeland Security Act is a law, you can read the entire text of the final version here. I hope you have some time on your hands since it's 485 pages long.... It'll take a while for us normal folk to understand just how far reaching and scary this thing actually is.